A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's 
bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" 
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, 
he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom,
he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his 
clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, 
"Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

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A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth 
grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo.
But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the
end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the 
class. One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some 
eggs." "Very good, William," cooed the teacher. "My mommy had a baby," said 
little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher. Finally, little Johnny 
raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. "I 
was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by 
hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he 
killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but 
puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?" "It'll 
teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."

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Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls 
have babies?" "No," said his mom, "of course not."

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, 
"It's okay, we can play that game again!"

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Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is. Her reply is, "Gentlemen don't 
ask ladies that question." Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs. 
Again the mother's reply is, Again the mother's reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask 
ladies that question." The boy then asks, "Why did daddy leave you?" To this, 
the mother says, "you shouldn't ask that" and then sends him to his room. On 
the way to his room, the boy trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up,
her driver's license falls out. The boy looks it over and goes back to his 
mother saying, "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds
and daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!!!"

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At Sunday school, the teacher asked little Johnny, "Do you know where little 
boys and girls go when they do bad things?"

"Sure," little Johnny replied. "They go out in back of the church yard."

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A few days after Christmas, a mother working in her kitchen was listening to 
her little Johnny playing with his new electric train in the adjoining room. 
She heard the train stop and the son said, "All you sons of bitches who want 
off, get the hell off right now, 'cause this is the last stop...and all of you 
sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the goddam train 'cause 
we're leaving."

The mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in 
this house. Now I want you to go to your room for two hours and think about 
what you said, and when you come out you may play with your train again, but I 
want you to use much nicer language."

Two hours later, the son came out of his bedroom and resumed playing with the 
train. Soon the train stopped and mother heard her son say, "All passengers who 
are disembarking, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. 
Thank you for riding with us today and we hope you will ride with us again 
soon. For those of you boarding, we ask you to stow your hand luggage under the 
seat.Remember please that there is no smoking except in the Club Car. We hope 
you will have a pleasant relaxing journey with us today. For those of you who 
are pissed off because of the two hour delay, please see the ugly stinkin' 
bitch in the kitchen!"